How to Love an Enemy

One day, this second grader was on his way home from school; when some older boys thought it would be funny to play catch with a water balloon and me in the middle. Humiliated and outnumbered, I stomped off home steaming mad and dripping wet. I fussed and fumed and dreamed of retaliation all the while my mom dried me off.

How do you respond to those who persecute you? Perhaps, more to the point, how do you respond to: Romans 12:14 “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.”

It is natural to wish our enemies harm, lash back at them; or even to curse them. But, Paul suggests something different as he reflects Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 5:44. (“…love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you…”)

I’m tempted to focus on the phrase do not curse; but if that were the emphasis, the word curse would be used more than once. Instead, the word bless is used twice in this short verse. Bless! Why? How does one bless, an enemy?

Consider a couple of definitions for the word bless, or eulogeo in the Greek. Looks a lot like our English word eulogy ; an important part of a funeral service, when we honor the person by sharing fond stories about them, talk about their good character (we usually leave out the bad), or maybe even wish we could be more like them. In secular Greek, the word eulogeo meant: to speak well of, praise, or extol.

Let me suggest that the first step to loving, or blessing an enemy, is not just to stop talking bad about them; but rather to commend them. I know that’s radical and difficult, but necessary if we are to look past their flaws and see their good qualities. Who knows, we might even find out what makes them an enemy in the first place: Are they insecure, feel threatened by us in some way, protecting their selves from…

This puts in place a chain reaction: Our heart follows our head. When we make a conscience choice to do this, our thoughts toward them begins to change and eventually our actions which help us with another hard part of Jesus' instruction.

The second meaning of bless correlates to the second step to loving an enemy: to pray for God’s goodness to be upon someone. Again, Matthew 5:44 “…and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.”

After you've found the good traits and focused on the person you’ll know what to specifically pray for. By giving us the assignment to pray for their good, Jesus is getting us to take our eyes off of the circumstances and to become more like Him. That we might be able to forgive as Christ forgave (Ephesians 4:32) and be imitators of God (Ephesians 5:1). As Jesus hung on the cross for our sins, He said, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34

The Roman soldiers carrying out the executions that day were just doing their job. They engaged in mockery and despicable behavior as they got caught up in the mood; but they had no idea the depth of pain that Jesus would feel. So too, with those who persecute us, they don’t really know what they are doing. They may even think they’re doing the right thing.

How do you respond to those who hurt you? How do you love an enemy? There’s an intentional aspect to this that moves us from avoiding the conflict, to actively staying on top of conflict.